6. Warmth

With every step I’ve taken today, I’ve been aware of a new and vulnerable feeling that I’m carrying with me.  To those I’ve just met and am traveling with on this National Geographic Photography Expedition through Myanmar, I might seem the same, but I know I’m changing.  I’m a different person than I was when I left the United States eleven days ago.  There has been a small daily shift from everything that I’ve seen, photographed and opened myself to.  And on one hand, while I like to immerse myself into the new and the unknown, on the other, that newness also ushers in vulnerability.  This feeling always surfaces on long journeys, and just like clockwork, last night I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn’t remember where I was.  I was disoriented, momentarily overwhelmed and very much alone.  Wanting to connect to something familiar, I reached for my laptop to check my email.  Then I remembered that there is no access to email — or anything on the Internet.  Feeling even more alone, I rested my head back on my pillow while my mind tossed and turned.  Images of places I’ve seen and people I’ve met went through my mind like a filmstrip.  Then it really hit me that I’ve seen and done so much on this incredible adventure.  One minute I was visiting temples in the Cambodian jungle, then a few days later I flew here and started my expedition with sights of pagodas and monks in Yangon.  As I tried to go back to sleep, I thought about what tomorrow might bring knowing that I was going to be photographing the sunset – a site which always brings me peace.  Now here, fifteen hours later after a long day of taking images, I sit in a boat on Lake Taungthaman.  The scene around me is very serene and much different from my mind-racing last night.  Thank goodness.  And although my vulnerability from the newness exists, so does the warmth of the sun setting behind the U Bein Bridge.  I take in a deep breath.  I smell the sweetness in the air and then look all around me to take in every ounce of this comforting, peaceful scene.  Behind me are big white, puffy clouds set against a green hillside.  To either side of me, other people in boats are looking at the view.  I turn my attention to the silhouettes of the people going from one side of the 4,000-foot bridge to the other, noticing how they’re adding an interesting element to the sunset.  I wonder about what the day was like here in Myanmar for each of these people.  I wonder whether they’re a foreigner like me, or a local like the man with the bicycle might be.  Then I look at two people sitting close together who might be enjoying a romantic moment and holding hands as the sun sinks lower into the sky.  I know that’s what I’d be doing if I were here with someone special and not focused on taking images.  Seeing them, I hope that those hand-holding moments are somewhere in my future, but for now, I feel grateful for this moment and the chance to watch the warm sun give way to the evening sky…